I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
