I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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