i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize