it wasn't lemon gatorade
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
