omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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