yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
