Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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