she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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