Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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