some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
