Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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