Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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