Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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