after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
