Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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