i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dick very happy bro
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
