Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Shame is for Republicans.
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