My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
