Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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