they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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