don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
