in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
