You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
