my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
