There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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