I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
