All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
