so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
