i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
