That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
