Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hell yes lets make some ravioli
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
