One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
