so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
