please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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