Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
