Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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