I bet he comes in French.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
