I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
