college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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