Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
