just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
