kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
