Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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