Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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