I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
