john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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