READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
