Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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