Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
