Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
