Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
