So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
