Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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