best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
