im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
