So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
