mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My pussy is not your playground.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
