Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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