Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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