I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
