im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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