I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
