I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
