Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
