i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
