boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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