it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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