i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize