3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
