The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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