I got chris browned last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
