there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
