Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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