I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
